Marriage is so many things at so many different times. It can be hilarious, wild, sexy, frustrating, boring, exciting, and productive and then suddenly turn on its head and be 15 other things all at once. But the one thing almost everyone tells brides-to-be and women in general is that marriage is “hard.” I am not sure I would agree, though.
I guess it really depends on your definition of “hard.” It can be challenging, but many good things are. Sometimes compromise can be a bummer and you would really rather do your own thing. Sometimes sharing the remote is depressing when you would rather watch your own show, but I would never say that marriage itself is “hard.”
My husband and I recently chatted about this and I asked him this same question. Did he think our marriage was hard? His answer: Not really. When two people vow to spend forever together, there are bumps, sure. And some days are harder than others. But overall? Being with my husband is a joy. I wouldn’t describe it as “hard.”
It always seems like such a negative thing to say. Oh marriage is HARD. Challenging might be a better word. Because running a marathon is challenging, but incredibly worthy. Raising kids is challenging, but the most loving thing you can do. Most of life is challenging, but that’s part of what makes it so incredible.
Challenges are part of the joy of life. But when I think of hard, I think of tasks I hate. Writing late at night is hard and I hate it. Dealing with my dog’s poop on the floor is “hard” and it makes me insane. Getting up at 5 a.m. is “hard” and no fun.
Saying it’s hard somehow implies that it isn’t worth it or that there are many parts of it that are bad. I disagree. Why would anyone stay in a marriage that feels like drudgery and makes you unhappy?
So stop saying it’s “hard,” people. Say it’s challenging. Say it’s interesting. Say it’s rarely boring. Even say it keeps you on your toes. All of those things are so much better and they sound it, too.
Look, you aren’t toiling in the fields. You are building a life with a person you love and cherish, whose body you find attractive and whose face you wake up next to every day. You are forging new ground with your BFF and having a slumber party every night. Does that sound “hard” to you?