Now I don’t think that any woman sets out to be a bridezilla when she starts planning her wedding. In most cases, a very excited bride just gets so caught up in creating the “perfect” day that she forgets about treating people kindly… sometimes with pretty ugly results. See where you stand, by learning what sets a reasonable bride apart from a bridezilla.
Most brides will want to invite a few of their closest friends to be bridesmaids in their weddings. So far, so good. However, it is in the area of bridesmaids where so many brides seem to turn into controlling bridezillas who care more about appearances than friendship. A big question is how much can you demand of your bridesmaids in terms of their attire, hair, and so on before crossing a line into becoming a dictator?
In general, requesting that your attendants wear similar or even identical bridesmaid dresses and sets of bridesmaid jewelry is considered to be standard and reasonable (although given a choice your bridesmaids would probably prefer to wear dresses and bridesmaid jewelry sets which are complementary but not matchy-matchy). The line between reasonable and demanding gets crossed somewhere around telling your bridesmaids exactly how to wear their hair or what color to paint their nails. If you have even for a second considered telling a bridesmaid to grow out her hair for your wedding so she can wear it in an updo, you are definitely in bridezilla territory.
Murphy’s Law states that if something can go wrong it will, and it is the snafus and disappointments that tend to either bring out the best or worst in a bride. How you handle the things which do not turn out exactly as desired will show you to be a gracious and cool woman who can roll with life’s ups and downs, or a petty person who throws a fit over every little disappointment. Obviously, it would be better to be thought of as gracious! So if the florist brings your bouquet to the ceremony and you discover that the roses are more ivory than cream, do you take a deep breath and try to focus on how pretty the bouquet is, even if it is not exactly what you expected? Or do you scream that the bouquet is all wrong, tell the florist she has ruined your wedding, and throw the flowers in her face? I think we all know which action is reasonable and which is 100% bridezilla!
Bridezillas also tend to fall into the trap of referring to the wedding as my day. And just where does that leave the groom? Without a doubt, the wedding day is more special and emotional to the bride than anyone else (which is not to say that the marriage means more to the bride than the groom, just the actual wedding); that does not mean that it is all about her. It is not unreasonable to talk about “my wedding day” just as much as “our wedding day” (unless you are speaking to the groom), but when a woman starts declaring that it is my day, it really does imply that she thinks the wedding is all about her. Not only that, but it is usually used as an excuse for thoughtless or even rude behavior, as in “Who cares if anyone else has a good time, because it’s my day!”.
If you saw glimpses of yourself in any of the bridezilla examples, it is not too late to pull yourself back from the dark side. Simply remind yourself at every turn that a wedding is about people, not perfection, and that the feelings of all involved should be considered. Any bride who can do that will earn herself the reputation of a perfectly reasonable and truly lovely bride.
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